


The Adventures of Captain Laserbeam - "Meddle of Valor!"

by Annakie



Category: The Thrilling Adventure Hour
Genre: Canon Compliant, Gen, Origin Story, Pre-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-03
Updated: 2014-01-03
Packaged: 2018-01-07 08:18:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1117624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Annakie/pseuds/Annakie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A convergence of calmity decends upon fair Apex City, and finds Captain Laserbeam caught out of costume.  But sometimes crime is curtailed by finer tools than lasers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Adventures of Captain Laserbeam - "Meddle of Valor!"

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Mansion](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mansion/gifts).



“Willpower based feedback, what a marvelous thing,” Captain Laserbeam thought just as the Shrieking Violet’s newest evil trap, the Peril of Purple Prose exploded. He’d almost been caught this time, the all-too flowery words overtaking him, nearly drowning out the memories of his Adventurekateers. But he knew he couldn’t let his young chums down, and recalling the way Terri and Sherri had pelted him with question after question of the most minute details of his life and how to spell every word they’d been unfamiliar with gave him the strength to Laser Willpower out of yet another vile villain’s terror trap.

Now the disturbance at Apex Park was over, and the citizens could go back to their celebrations.

Captain Laserbeam had just finished putting Violet in handcuffs while waiting for the Apex City PD to come pick her up, when he had a startling thought. He could have sworn the Shrieking Violet had four henchmen, but now, only three were tied up. He used his Laser Vision to look for the missing madman, but came up empty.

“Where’s your fourth henchman, Violet?” Laserbeam asked.

“Hmmm? I only have three, Captain Laserbeam,” Violet responded, all too loudly and shrilly. “Surely you can count to three, and there they are.”

The blaring of the ACPD’s car sirens disrupted them before he could question Violet further, but he was sure to let the officers know that there was a possible hidden henchman nearby before leaving the scene.

Captain Laserbeam expected a busy day. This was, after all, Apex Day, perhaps the most important day of the year in Apex City. Many of his most fervent foes enjoyed wreaking their havoc on the most important days of the year. His on-duty Adventurekateers relayed information as they got it in, and Laserbeam found himself helping a half dozen other heroes before the day was up. The Incarce-tarium was sure to be bursting after a day like today.

 *****

It was getting dark when Captain Laserbeam was finally able to finish with his heroic duties and return home. Home, of course, first meant a stop at the Laser Cave.

The cave entrance was hidden in the cliffs framing Apex Harbor, nearly a mile away from his palatial mansion, home of the Valor family for several generations before him. His great grandfather had had this cave built as an escape, a place to store cars, boats, even a few decommissioned airplanes and other large treasures. He’d even put in a set of rails leading to the house, a small train once serving as the main mode of transportation between the cave and the house. These days, it was an electric car Joshua Valor had designed himself.

The rest of the cave had slowly been emptied of its treasures over the years. Only a few cars remained, and those were mostly the ones that were being converted into Laser Vehicles. What superhero didn’t want his own Laser Tank, after all?

Something skittered away a few seconds after Captain Laserbeam landed in the Laser Cave. Calling a fumigator was out of the question; he’d have to go over the lair with a Laser Comb later to squash the little pests. But no time now, it was Apex Day, and Joshua Valor was hosting the biggest bash in the entire city. He hung up his Laser Suit and changed into regular clothes for the railcar ride back to his home. The elevator up came out right in his bedroom, and in only a matter of half hour or so, Captain Laserbeam the hero donned his favorite tuxedo, combed his hair back, and became Joshua Valor, the millionaire playboy.

Joshua Valor spent the next several hours shaking hands with guest after guest as he sipped champagne and engaged in small talk. Making the rounds at the party was so... boring, if he had to be honest. There was little about the millionaire’s life that interested him anymore. Sure, the corporation was running just as well as always, with only a few hours’ worth of work from him in any given week. His aides took care of most everything. Truth be told, he’d been spending more and more time in his Laser Cave and out at events as Captain Laserbeam than he should have.

People were beginning to talk. _Where Has Joshua Valor Been?_ had been the Apex City Crier’s headline one Tuesday a few weeks ago. Speculation had been running rampant now that he had been sick, or injured, or had even gone to rehabilitation. It didn’t matter what they said, Valor knew that if there was one thing that was bad for a superhero’s secret identity, it was people talking about where you were. So this party had been his answer to all their questions. Blow it up with a very public appearance, charm everyone he knew to think he’d just been working extra hard. Then make a big announcement about the corporation the next day.

So far, it was working just as planned. He’d already heard buzz and a few sly questions about what it was he’d been working so hard on lately. Good.

By the third hour of the party, things were in full swing.

Of course, that’s exactly when things went very, very wrong.

The Adventurekateer Distress Signal sounded on a frequency only he could hear, and Joshua tried to excuse himself to head into a private room and call the clubhouse, but before he made it halfway across the room, he was staggered by singing.

Not just any singing, the warbling tones of Apex City’s most notorious amateur songstress, Carrie-Okie.

She over-dramatically descended the double staircase in the large foyer as she sang, with nearly one hundred sets of eyes glued on her. Joshua could hear startled shouts from other parts of the grounds, but it didn’t seem like anyone was hurt… yet. Somehow, Carrie had a spotlight shining on her while she made her entrance. A quick glance up showed a henchman hanging from the rafters shining it on her. Typical.

“Don’t go breaking my heart!” Carrie sang, as she descended. It wasn’t just the terrible singing causing all his party guests to cover their ears, though. There was something sonically sinister in the music, and it was blaring through his sound system that was wired into the entire house. The song was downright painful, and in more ways than one.

If he was anywhere else, he could have snuck away and donned his Laser Suit in laser time, come back and save the day. But here he was in his own home, in his favorite tuxedo, and to save the day would mean exposing his secret identity in front of all of Apex City’s most influential people. He couldn’t. He just had to hope that help would come.

“You didn’t invite me to your party, Joshua Valor,” Carrie crooned. She’d finally made it down the stairs and walked over to him, trailing her fake fingernails down his cheek. “So I thought I’d provide my own… entertainment.”

“What do you want, Carrie?” Valor asked, through clenched teeth. If only he had his Laser Suit-

“I just want payment for all the entertainment I’m providing tonight. Just a trinket or trifle from every guest here… They’ll hardly miss it. My backup singers have already begun collecting the door charge.”

Carrie spun around and dipped backwards low, just as the opening chords to Love Shack kicked off.

Henchmen filed in, opening bags and shoving them at his guests. Apex City's elite had already started handing over their valuables, and then quickly re-covered their ears.

There was little he could do but watch, and try to ignore the Adventurekateer Distress Signal still ringing in his ears.

“Not so fast, Carrie-Okie!” The pronouncement came from just behind him. Joshua turned halfway around and there stood Dream Girl, breezing in through the door like she belonged in his house. “Looks like you have some uninvited guests, Mister Valor.”

Dream Girl was standing close, maybe a little too close to him. It was a different kind of humiliation, this time because he knew if only he’d had his suit, he could have impressed Dream Girl while saving all these people. Now, he was going to do neither.

“Uh, yes, Dream Girl. Don’t suppose you’d be so kind as to take care of that for me?”

“My pleasure, Mister Valor,” she replied, and winked at him.  Oh, he’d be getting ribbed about this later, and at great length.  He’d have to find a way to save her right back someday soon.

There was a reason Carrie-Okie barely cracked the top 50 of his Most Dangerous Foes list. She hadn’t even brought along a death trap, only relying on her sour songs to subdue the soiree into submission. Dream Girl began to confuse Carrie with a swirl of somnolent energy, and as much as Joshua wanted to watch Dream Girl work, he noticed one of Carrie’s henchmen sneaking out through the doors on the far side of the room with his bag of loot.

Well, that certainly wouldn’t do. He decided even Joshua Valor could run down a thief without raising too many eyebrows. He took off after the other man, who was only slightly slowed by the burgled bag.

Joshua was nearly caught up with him when the henchman ducked into the indoor arboretum, one of the few areas of the grounds not open for the party. Joshua gave chase, smugly knowing he had won. There was only one door to the arboretum. He charged in just in time to see a panicked henchman realizing his mistake.

“Give it up, vile villain,” Joshua said, a bit more of Captain Laserbeam sneaking into his voice than he meant.

“L- look, I didn’t want to have to do this, b-but just let me go, and I’ll leave you alone,” the henchman stammered. It was then that Joshua noticed the other man was pointing an eardrum-bursting feedback loop generator at him.

And here he was, without his one hundred lasers. Luckily, he had put on his favorite tuxedo.

“Woah, friend, calm down there,” Joshua said, slowly raising his hands, while scanning the room to make sure nobody was nearby. “You don’t want to do anything you’ll regret, like – Freeze Laser!”

His favorite tuxedo had one advantage over the others: the two lasers in hidden compartments built into the sleeves. Within seconds, the villain was completely encased in ice, with plenty of time to go until the ACPD could pick him up. He was out cold, and had been frozen before he knew what hit him. He’d just tell the officers that Captain Laserbeam had made it just in time to save him, and-

“So it really is you. You’re Captain Laserbeam.”

Joshua spun on his heel, but he didn’t have to search for the source of the sound. There was a man standing a few feet to his left, a man who hadn’t been there before. A man wearing the outfit of the missing Shrieking Violet henchman.

“What? Me? Captain Laserbeam? No. I mean, he gave me this suit, for protection, mind you but I’m not-“

“I came with you to your cave, I followed you into your private rooms. I’ve been wandering around your home all night. I know who you are.”

“What? How could you have followed me? I mean, what are you saying? Clearly, you’re not well-“

There was a pounding on the door behind them, and someone was yelling that they were from the Apex City PD, and to open up. This was all happening so soon. Too fast.

“There’s no other way out of this room, is there, Captain Laserbeam?” the man asked.

“Look, guy, I’m Joshua Valor, I don’t know what you’re playing at.”

“The police are going to arrest me, too. But I know who you are. Listen, if you don’t want me to spill, come see me, alone. You have twenty four hours to talk to me or I tell everyone everything.”

“I’m not going to be blackmailed!” Valor retorted, louder than he intended. Just then, the ACPD got the bright idea to pull instead of push on the door, and police officers started to stream in.

“Remember what I said!” the Violet henchman said, as he was being handcuffed.

Joshua Valor gritted his teeth. He didn’t want to give this evildoer any consideration, but it seemed he had little choice.

“What’s your name, henchman?” he asked.

He noted the answer, just as the other man was lead out of the room with his hands cuffed behind his back.  

 *****

It was easy enough for Joshua Valor to arrange a meeting with the prisoner the next day. Valor was, after all, a man known for his charity work, which had included helping to upgrade the police department’s safety gear the year before. Having the cameras and recording devices turned off was an easy request to accommodate, as well.

“Alright, I’ve honored your request for a meeting,” Valor said after the other man had been brought in the room. “Now how is it that you think you know what… you think you know?”

“Simple. I henched for the Killer Lady Bug last year. She ran some experiments on me, and now, poof! I can turn into a lady bug - well, a man-bug - anytime I want. I snuck behind a tree you were standing near when you defeated the Shrieking Violet yesterday and hitched a ride on your costume yesterday, all the way into your secret hideout, then followed you up to your room. Once you left, I just walked around, mostly flew around, until I realized who you are.”

Valor was stunned. He really had been caught this time, if that was true. His secret identity was exposed.

“What were you doing in my private arboretum?”

The man shrugged. “I got hungry. Figured there were some tasty plants in there. Watched you stop Carrie-Okie's henchman. Good guy, by the way, Dave. After I saw you laser him, I figured it was time to make my move.”

“If you can turn into a ladybug, why don’t you do it now and just walk right out of here?”

“Because, I figure we can make a deal.”

“I will not submit to blackmail, you soulless scum-“ Valor growled, but the other man cut him off.

“It isn’t exactly blackmail, Mister Valor. Just a deal. See, I’m tired of henching. I only started doing this to pay the bills after my wife got pregnant and I got laid off on my job. She doesn’t even know what it is I do. I got promised big money to support my family, but it hasn’t been so great. Thanks to the whole bug thing, I’ve managed to stay out of prison, but I see this as my big chance for stability for my family.”

“And what do you mean by that?”

“My son’s a little older, he’s in school now. My wife works, but her job doesn’t pay much, either. All I want is for you to give my wife a job, one that pays well but lets her get home in time to take care of our son, at your company. And maybe help keep an eye on my boy, make sure he grows up so he won’t need to take a lousy job henching when he gets older. In return, I’ll stay here, be a model prisoner, do my time, and never ever say a word to anyone about what I saw yesterday.”

Valor considered this for a long moment. On one hand, he didn’t think it was likely many people would ever believe this man, but a few might. On the other hand, it kept him off the streets and he could have asked for money outright, instead of a job for his wife. This was probably the best case scenario. He still didn’t love the idea, but it was better than the alternative.

“What’s your son’s name?” he asked.

“Patrick.”

After a long moment, Joshua Valor offered the other man his hand to shake.

“All right, Mr. Wong. You have yourself a deal.”

**Author's Note:**

> This was written as a Christmas present to Mansion, who requested something Captain Laserbeam. Not being sure on my pun-ability, I thought I'd do what I do best and go off-book but still canon-compliant. So here's an origin story for Patrick Salvadore Wong and an exploration Joshua Valor's world a little bit more. 
> 
> Thanks to Mansion for beta-ing her own Christmas present and for being an all-around fantastic person I'm so happy to call my friend. And for making me write Captain Laserbeam. And for writing the summary and thinking up the title. :)
> 
> As usual, thanks to Acker and Blacker for being so cool about us playing in their sandbox, and all of you reading this, too!
> 
> (Note 6/15/2014 - I had no idea when I wrote this that Patrick's Dad would turn out to be a Henchman, which I thought was pretty cool that I managed to guess correctly. :D )


End file.
